I Never Would
by Pelman
Summary: "He is standing in front of the General, gun held firmly in an outstretched hand. And his eyes are so, so angry." The Doctor has said the phrase many times over the years. These are just a few of those times.


**I Never Would**

He is standing in front of the General, gun held firmly in an outstretched hand, breathing heavily. And his eyes are so, so angry.

A world hangs poised on a heartbeat.

And then…

He lowers the gun. And crouches down. And stares at the man who killed his daughter.

And when he speaks, it is as though they are the most important words in the world.

"I never would." His voice is full of anguish and rage but also a dead, solid certainty. "Have you got that? I never would!"

And such is the force behind the words, the passion, that they seem to shoot straight into the soul of every person there.

And they know…

He never would.

* * *

He is hanging on with all his strength but sweat and blood and tears are causing his hands to slip.

"I've got you!" he shouts, desperate, frantic, his very words willing this to be true.

But his hands are slipping, and now his feet are slipping too, and he is sliding, sliding, sliding towards the edge.

She looks up at him, helpless, terrified. "Let go."

"No," he groans out, still moving inexorably towards the edge. "I've got you."

"You have to let go!" Her voice catches in a sob but behind the pain he hears conviction.

If it will save him, she will let it.

"NO!" he screams and pulls strength from the scream and pulls and pulls and pulls from where he does not know and all of a sudden he's moving backwards and she's moving up and then they're both on the ledge and lying back shaking and exhausted and…

Safe.

She looks over at him, gulping in air. "I told you to let go."

He looks at her, and his eyes seem as if they will burn right through her. "I never would."

* * *

He is standing before the heart of the resistance movement. Seven people. The combined bounty on their heads could buy the planet twice over.

It has taken him days to reach this point. He gazes at the motley group.

These seven people could end up saving seven billion.

And when he steps forward, hands in pockets, there is nothing that gives them any hint of what he is capable of. Except his eyes.

These are eyes that can change the world.

"I'm here to help. My name is the D—"

And that's when the door explodes open. And in a split second, before the cries of fear and anger and dread fill the room, before the night turns darkest, before the monsters appear…

In a split second he knows he is faced with a choice.

One choice.

And so the security forces pour into the room. And grab anyone they can. Which turns out to be only him. Because he delays them long enough for everyone else to escape.

They dump him in the street several days later.

And gradually he finds himself in another room. With the same seven people in front of him.

He's not standing this time.

They gaze at him nervously, as if he's some sort of wild animal they have trapped. One of them steps forward. "You didn't give us up." There is a hint of question behind the sentence, a hint of disbelief.

He doesn't lift his head from staring at the floor, but moves his shoulders ever so slightly.

"I never would."

The words are empty of any emotion.

* * *

He is gazing at his friend.

She settles down on the bed, her movements unsteady.

It has been a long day. There has been the arriving at a brand new planet. There has been the obligatory running off. There has been the unforeseen danger…

He thought he had lost her.

"I thought you had lost me…" she mumbles, already half asleep.

He makes no response, standing silently as her eyes close and her breathing steadies. Then…

"I never would," he says softly. His eyes are bright.

He turns and leaves the room.

Unspoken behind his words is a knowledge of just how cruel the universe can be.

* * *

The fire is shooting up into the sky, consuming and devouring and looking for more. And the night is deafened by shouts and screams and sirens.

None are heard by the two people huddled in the corner, faces red and eyes watering.

But they are so, so scared.

And the fire burns and the smoke darkens and their world grows smaller and smaller until it is compressed to just

one.

more.

breath.

But then a man appears from the depths of the darkness, with eyes like the stars and fire licking at his heels.

"Come with me," he says, and offers his hand.

And his words make their prison explode.

They grab onto him and follow him through the darkness and the flames seem to fall away as he pulls them through their nightmare.

And they are saved.

They look up and see their savior walking into the night.

"Wait!" one of them manages to choke out. "I thought everybody had left!"

Their savior looks back, and a tightening around his eyes says what he thinks about those other people. But now there's just him, and he gives a slightly cocky flip of his head, then looks at them seriously.

"I never would."

* * *

He is running away.

And laughing all the while, the laughter seeming to lift him up and carry his feet forward.

He loves to run.

His companion barely keeps up with him as they sprint down a side alley and slip into a little shop, dodging around startled shoppers, his companion dragging him out the door (he loves little shops!) before running running running some more…

They do it all hand in hand.

And afterward, when they are leaning back against a wall, out of breath, but safe, at least for the moment, she turns to him and gasps out, "I would think you'd get tired of this!"

Her eyes are teasing him.

"Nah," he says, grinning ear to ear, "I never would."

He means every word.

* * *

He is standing on the 501st floor listening to a voice that he thought had been relegated to his nightmares.

But this is now and it is real and he has never been so far from sleep.

There is a box in front of him with a lever poking up from it.

"I'll do it!" he says. His words are desperate.

And he knows that by pushing the lever, he could finally end…everything.

Suddenly he is unbearably tired.

_He tightens his hands on the lever. _

And he wants to say, "I never would."

But in his hearts he knows that he once did.

_He clenches his jaw._

And it is that which has haunted him ever since. It is that which has dogged his path and his footsteps. It is that which has weighed down his shoulders and made him so very, very hard.

_He closes his eyes._

He misses them.

So much.

_Heartbeat._

The Doctor exhales.

And makes a choice.

Never again.

NO.

* * *

I. Never. Would.

* * *

_I'm really happy with how this turned out. I like the "feel" to it. And I like the way it starts and ends with actual episodes- **The Doctor's Daughter** at the start and **The Parting of the Ways** at the end. _

_Fun trivia fact: Each scene mentions "eyes" and "words" at least once. _


End file.
